Dizzy Yet?

"...He has also set eternity in the human heart;" Ecclesiastes 3:11

Deep within the human heart is a hunger to know God and spend eternity with Him. I've heard it referred to as a "God-shaped hole" that can only be filled by God. Another way to think about it is that God has placed a magnet in a person's heart that is designed to attract us to Him. The problem with magnets is that they can also be drawn and attached to most things made of iron, even things that aren't supposed to have magnets stuck to them.

Our hearts can also be drawn and attached to something other than God. Once the heart is attached to something apart from God, it's a painful separation process. God will be active in separating us from these things because of His great love. After all, these things we attach ourselves to are "sinking ships". Who would want to step foot on the Titanic if they knew it's fate? Why do we attach ourselves so tightly to things that we know will pass away?

I know the truth of this all too well. I have often allowed my heart to become attached to the wrong things (the magnet works-my aim isn't always the best). Once I became attached, I would fight against God to keep what I shouldn't have had in the first place. It always ended painfully. Have you ever watched a dog try desperately to catch it's own tail only to realize that chewing on it's own tail is not so glamorous after all? That's what we do. We spend so much time and energy chasing after things that will not satisfy us in the long term. The other night I was driving to the store to pick up a movie, and a random thought entered my mind:

"Everything I was created for can be found in Christ Jesus."

Paul states the following in Scripture: "What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ" Phillipians 3:8

The primary purpose of my life is to know and love God. He created, rescued, and redeemed me. All of life should flow out of that relationship. Things will still pull at my heart on a regular basis. I will continue to have to navigate through the lies telling me I'll be happier if...(fill in the blank). The task at hand for all of us is to learn how to walk closely with Jesus in a cluttered and deceptive world. Let us aim our hearts at Jesus and allow him to draw us closer. Then, and only then, will we be a fulfilled and satisfied generation. We'll stop chasing our tail and start enjoying true life.

THE POWER tool OF WORSHIP

This was a grand slam of a night. I still remember what the main auditorium at New Life Church looked and sounded like as thousands of people lifted their hands and voices in praise to God. If you have ever been to a worship recording at New Life, you know how powerful they are. Some people have called it a concert or a fancy light show, but I couldn't disagree more. Nobody cares about the lights, or for that matter, who is even singing. The chief concern for this tribe of people called New Lifers, is honoring the God who has been so amazingly faithful to us. The presence of God was so tangible that night. People worshiped with extra "gusto". People didn't want to leave. Avery didn't want to leave. She danced, clapped, and twirled for well over an hour. My heart was so full of joy. We stayed until the final note sounded, and then she crashed. It was beautiful. God met us there.

Worship didn't come quite as easy today. I embarked on a house project that Ashley had asked me to finish before May. I thought I would score some serious points if I finished the project early. I had my power tool out, paint brush in hand, and quickly began making progress. It got off to a good start...and then headed south. Halfway through the project Ashley stopped by the room to say hi. It was great to see her smiling face. She was obviously impressed that I had taken initiative. In the midst of saying hi she also suggested a different way to do the project. Her suggestion did not rest on welcoming ears. When I am holding a power tool, I am not exactly looking for suggestions from my wife. I am slowly working on growing in this area, but on this particular day, I didn't want to hear it. Her suggestion turned into a full scale "debate" about how to finish the project (her pink lips were saying something completely different than what my blue ears heard-love and respect). In the middle of our disagreement Avery was busy getting into the paint and trying to play with the power tool. We quickly removed the dangerous tool from her surprisingly strong grip, and she loudly voiced her disagreement. She started screaming. I had to discipline her which made her scream turn into a cry. This was not exactly the way I thought this project would unfold. I took a break and walked downstairs to get some water and cool off. The sound of kids worship music greeted my ears the second I got downstairs. "I've got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart..." happened to be playing quite loudly. It wasn't what I wanted to hear. I didn't exactly feel like worshiping God in that moment. The last thing I felt "down in my heart" was joy, joy, and more joy. I was still ticked. Despite how I was feeling I reminded myself that worship is not a choice. Worship is not a matter of feelings. Worship is a response to who God is, and God never changes. I chose to worship in that moment. It was beautiful. God met me there.

Ashley and I have since laughed about our petty disagreement. Looking back, I think she was right about her suggestion. I can admit it now. We both learned some valuable lessons. I learned that I need to be more patient and understanding. She learned that there are a couple of times when you provide input with caution. When a man is behind the wheel or holding power tools, just let him do his thing. He may get lost. He may fill the wall with holes. But he will eventually figure it out.

More importantly, I am learning that how I treat my family is how I ultimately treat God. God recently whispered the following statement to my heart: "How you handle your family is how you handle my heart." That statement arrested my attention. I'm confident I will always remember that simple phrase. As amazing as the big corporate worship experiences are, I think God is more interested in how we worship at home. The better we are at loving our families, the more powerful and rich the corporate worship settings will be.

Fly on the wall at Starbucks...

I recently sat down at a Starbucks table across from a friend who told me a fascinating story of redemption. God restored and saved his life. I could see it with my own eyes. He was now a completely different man than he was three and a half years ago. I thought to myself, "God is good at changing lives."

We prayed together, exchanged a man hug (you know the hug with a couple of hard pats on the back), and then I switched tables and set up shop to get some work done. I was now strategically placed at a table that I was hoping would allow me some privacy. Shortly after I had made myself comfortable, a couple of ladies came and sat down at the table right next to me. I initially wanted to question their poor choice of a table. They were so close they could probably smell my coffee breath. Then, they began talking. And talking. And talking. These women loved to talk. Picture this with me...Two women on the edge of their seats, hanging on every word of the conversation, and maintaining perfect eye contact the whole time. I'm not sure they even blinked. They obviously were happy to be there.

A few minutes later, a couple of guys (probably mid-forties) sat down at a table in front of me. By now I had lost hope of getting work done. I was all-out people watching. The body language of these guys was completely different than the ladies to my left. They were leaned way back in their chairs, completely relaxed, with little to say. When they would exchange conversation the man who was talking would stare out the window while he spoke. He would occasionally glance over at the other man, who happened to be fiddling with his cup and staring out the window as well. As much as they were looking out the window I though maybe I was missing some incredible show that was taking place on the Starbucks balcony. I glanced over my shoulder to see what might possibly be so interesting outside--nothing but a parking lot full of cars. Despite the body language it was apparent that they were also quite happy to be there.

To my left were a couple of women who talked non-stop. In front of me were a couple of men who rarely looked at each other. Smiles were present at both tables. The conversations couldn't have been more different. The women were talking about what makes them cry, and the men were talking about restoring an old car or an old house (100% true story). As different as the two conversations were, the bottom line was that these people were intentional about the friendships in their lives. You don't accidentally end up at Starbucks and find yourself engaged in a riveting conversation about your emotions, and the things that trigger them. Neither do two men stumble upon the same table and begin an enjoyable conversation about restoring old cars. You have to get on the phone and extend the invitation. You have to make time. You have to adjust your busy schedule for the things that matter most. To enjoy the harvest of rich relationships, you have to plant and water the seeds. You have to pursue relationships. You have to step out of your comfort zone. You have to push through the fear of rejection barriers and simply go for it. You have to forgive and come back to seeing the best in people. It made me consider my own friendships and my level of intentionality towards them. It is something that I must get better at.

My train of thought was interrupted by the sound of my phone ringing. Ashley was calling to tell me that she and Avery were ready to meet me for breakfast. Now it was on to Einstein Bros. to enjoy coffee with my own family. As we enjoyed our breakfast, I couldn't help but notice the lady sitting at the table next to ours was listening to our conversation. I had to smile. I wouldn't be surprised to see her post a blog about us...Perhaps it would be about how Ashley and I failed to carry on a sustained conversation. We were too busy chasing our two year old around the restaurant.

Thank God for friendships. They make life rich.

Why I'll never be the same...

My wife is currently watching the Bachelor. I'm trying to do anything besides watch the Bachelor. It's hard to admit, but sometimes I do enjoy watching that goofball show. I think more than anything, I just enjoy spending time with my wife. If that means watching a guy get a free ticket to the most beautiful places on the planet, and totally escape reality, so be it. I couldn't do it tonight though...For whatever reason, I didn't have the stomach to watch these girls fight for two hours. So, in an effort to do ANYTHING else, I turned to my wife and asked her what I should write a blog about. I told her I would write about the first thing that came to her mind. Looking back, that was a dangerous proposition. Was I going to be writing about why Brad didn't choose Ashley last week? Was I going to be writing about why Michele wasn't a good match for Brad? That would have been worse than actually watching the show. Ashley's answer was soothing to my ears. She said, "You should write about Avery's birth." What a fitting response being that tomorrow is Avery's 2nd birthday. Good call, Ash. Thank you for saving me.

Before Avery was born, I had several guys tell me that I would never be the same after my first child was born. They explained that there is something that happens in a man's heart the moment you get to hold your child for the first time. I found this to be true. It's hard to explain, but it is so true.

I think I was very prepared for the actual birthing process. After all, Ashley and I had spent the previous three months in strict training as we participated in a birthing class. Week after week we showed up to practice breathing techniques. It was pretty exciting...and expensive.

On the morning of March 7th, Ashley woke up feeling sick and was experiencing abnormal pain in her side. We decided to take her to the doctor to find out if everything was ok. After an ultrasound, the doctor made the decision to induce. That was a wild moment. It dawned on me that I was going to be a dad within 24 hours. It was "go" time! It was time to use these breathing skills that I worked so hard to perfect.

Fast forward to 11pm...Ashley is strapped down to a rock hard hospital bed huffing and puffing, still looking beautiful, but huffing and puffing none the less. I was a focused man. I took a few deep breaths and began doing what I was trained to do. I told her she looked beautiful every eight seconds, reminded her to relax her eyebrows, and held her right leg in the air.

As prepared as I thought I was, in the heat of battle, I couldn't remember a few of the minor details. Was it "hee hawww whoooo" or "whooo heee hawww"? I couldn't remember so I just resorted to telling her she looked beautiful. It's hard for a man to go wrong by simply telling his wife that she is attractive. I've gotten a lot of mileage out of this simple truth-especially when she feels like a marshmallow and is trying to pass a bowling ball through a straw.

After a couple hours of continued labor (I know why they call it labor-it wasn't easy doing my job), I saw a sight that will forever be etched in my memory. I saw the top of Avery's head. I got so excited that Ashley had to "shhhh" me. After all my elite training, I was losing focus. I was blowing it. The sheer excitement of seeing the baby crown was throwing me off. Ashley's rebuke forced me to get my head back in the game, and once again, I went back to telling her to relax her eyebrows and breathe.

Ashley did a phenomenal job delivering Avery. She was born at 3:41am. After she was born, we quickly placed her on Ashley's chest and they shared an incredibly powerful momma-daughter moment. Ashley grew up dreaming about this moment. She has always wanted to be a momma. She's never had big dreams to appear on the cover of magazines, build a successful business empire, or take the world by storm. She's always just wanted to have kids and love them well. In that moment, her dream became a reality. She looked great as a new momma, seriously.

At about 6:30am, the three of us were squeezed into this tiny hospital bed enjoying time together as a new family. A nurse entered the room, scooped Avery up, commented on her color, and quickly left the room. That was a little unnerving. Apparently, Avery's lips were abnormally purple and they rushed her off for tests. I had already been through a roller coaster of emotions, and now the story was taking a horrible turn in the wrong direction.

I still feel a twinge of pain in my heart as I remember seeing Avery for the first time, through a glass window, hooked up to all those different machines. I entered the room, leaned down next to her sweet little ears, and whispered, "Avery, it's daddy." A faint smile appeared on her face. My heart melted. I was confident that she recognized my voice. From the time we found out we were expecting Avery, we were intentional about talking to her. We sang to her, prayed for her, and affirmed our great love for her while she was in the womb. To this day, I am still convinced that she recognized her dad's voice in the midst of the beeping and buzzing of the medical instruments that surrounded her.

If you've read any of my previous blog posts you know that Avery's story didn't abruptly end in that NICU room. God's grace was apparent as Avery quickly began to show improvement. Her lungs eventually adjusted to breathing the fresh, but thin, Colorado air and they transferred her back to our room. In a matter of two days we were back in the comfort of our own home, starting family life as a tribe of three.

Looking back over the previous two years brings a smile to my face. Avery has been an incredible blessing to our family. I have learned more about the heart of God in the past two years than in my previous 28 years combined. God has been teaching me about His love. He's been teaching me how to love others. It's been a beautiful and rich process to enter into. What better way to learn about the Father's love than to look into the eyes of your own child? It's hard to find words to describe my love for Avery. It's even harder to find words to describe God's love for me. The journey is sure to continue. The learning is sure to continue.

Happy Birthday, Avery. I sure love you.

Now, who is Brad going to pick next week-Emily or what's her face? Perhaps I'll be too busy to find out. After all, I think I have a daddy-daughter date planned. Should I take her to South Africa or Anguilla? I have six days to decide.

Dark Alleys and Dark Coffee

I have to smile when I see some of the paintings of Jesus. Frankly, many of these pictures make him look like he is miserable. They make him look like he's spent too much time in the fields hanging out with those sheep. Now be honest, and take another glance at this pic...Does he really appear to be someone you would want on your side if you were stuck in a dark alley with your life on the line? I'm confident you would also pass on the invitation to sit down and enjoy a cup of coffee with this guy. Thankfully, this is not the picture the Scriptures paint of Jesus.

I actually think you would really enjoy having a cup of coffee with Jesus. I imagine he would take his coffee dark and bold (maybe even Folgers!). I could picture him giving you a funny look as he surveys your fluffy Starbucks drink. I also think that if you were really stuck in a dark alley scenario, you would be just fine with him in your corner. I'll start with the coffee explanation...

John 21 is one of my favorite chapters in Scripture. It paints such a wonderful picture of who Jesus is and how much he loves being with people. Just after Jesus was resurrected, he suprises (again) his friends by showing up on the shore as they are hard at work fishing.

4 Early in the morning, Jesus stood on the shore, but the disciples did not realize that it was Jesus.

5 He called out to them, “Friends, haven’t you any fish?”

“No,” they answered.

6 He said, “Throw your net on the right side of the boat and you will find some.” When they did, they were unable to haul the net in because of the large number of fish.

7 Then the disciple whom Jesus loved said to Peter, “It is the Lord!” As soon as Simon Peter heard him say, “It is the Lord,” he wrapped his outer garment around him (for he had taken it off) and jumped into the water. 8 The other disciples followed in the boat, towing the net full of fish, for they were not far from shore, about a hundred yards.[c] 9 When they landed, they saw a fire of burning coals there with fish on it, and some bread.

10 Jesus said to them, “Bring some of the fish you have just caught.” 11 So Simon Peter climbed back into the boat and dragged the net ashore. It was full of large fish, 153, but even with so many the net was not torn. 12 Jesus said to them, “Come and have breakfast.” None of the disciples dared ask him, “Who are you?” They knew it was the Lord. 13 Jesus came, took the bread and gave it to them, and did the same with the fish. 14 This was now the third time Jesus appeared to his disciples after he was raised from the dead.

The first time Jesus performed a miraculous catch of fish, the disciples left everything and followed him. The second time he awed them with a miraculous catch of fish, they sat around a campfire, laughed together, ate together, and shared stories together. If you take a quick glance at the previous twenty chapters in John, you will see that they weren't lacking stories to share. I would have loved to be sitting on one of those logs listening to that conversation.

Secondly, I think Jesus could hold his own in a dark alley. One of my other favorite passages of Scripture comes from Revelation 19:

11 I saw heaven standing open and there before me was a white horse, whose rider is called Faithful and True. With justice he judges and wages war. 12 His eyes are like blazing fire, and on his head are many crowns. He has a name written on him that no one knows but he himself. 13 He is dressed in a robe dipped in blood, and his name is the Word of God. 14 The armies of heaven were following him, riding on white horses and dressed in fine linen, white and clean. 15 Coming out of his mouth is a sharp sword with which to strike down the nations. “He will rule them with an iron scepter.”[a] He treads the winepress of the fury of the wrath of God Almighty. 16 On his robe and on his thigh he has this name written:
KING OF KINGS AND LORD OF LORDS.

I get chills nearly every time I read those verses. It's such a mystery that the God who created the universe and leads Heaven's armies would delight in sitting around a campfire with his friends. You know, he hasn't changed. He's just as powerful today. He's just as personal today. And he's still inviting us to know him better. You gotta love it.

Honest Feedback!

Avery recently gave me some honest feedback on my singing skills...or lack thereof.

Hand In Hand

I broke up with a girl in 6th grade because she tried to hold my hand. It made me very uncomfortable. We weren't supposed to hold hands. 6th grade dating code states that you simply call each other boyfriend/girlfriend, but that you rarely talk to one another, much less hold hands. What was she thinking?!?! When I felt her hand reach over and grab mine, I decided to run for the hills (aka-send a friend to communicate that the relationship was now over). I just wanted to call her my girlfriend without having to really get to know her. When I was twenty, I found myself wanting to call Jesus my LORD without having to take his hand and walk where he was going. I wanted the Christian title without the actual relationship. When I felt him reaching for my hand, I ran for the hills (or to the bars).

Thankfully, I have gotten over my fear of holding hands with a female. One of my favorite things to do is walk hand in hand with my wife. I also love when Avery reaches up and grabs my hand. It's hard to find words that describe the joy of her little fingers reaching for mine. Most importantly, I have since developed a deep love for the God I once ran from. I have come to appreciate his reach as he takes hold of my hand to lead me. To comfort me. To simply remind me of his presence.

Sometimes it's hard for men to picture Jesus holding our hand and leading us. We like to think of ourselves as independent. We sometimes think we can handle everything ourselves. I know that thought process all too well. At the same time, I know that in order to follow where Jesus is leading, into deep and dangerous waters, I desperately need him to walk beside me. I need him to reassure me. The path will twist and turn and lead us to places we would never go alone. There will be set backs. There will be heart ache. There will be valleys and mountain tops. And when we think we can't take anymore, he'll whisper to us, "We're just beginning." There will be times when he says to speed up. There will be times when he says to slow down. And yet, there will be other times when he says to wait. The truth is that we were never meant to walk alone. Our hand was designed to fit into his. For if we walk alone, we will get eaten alive. We will turn back in fear or discouragement. Or even worse, we will never even set out on the journey. We will die in shallow waters with sun-burned backs without ever experiencing the Promise Land. You see, life is a wonderful and mysterious journey. It's a fierce battle. It's a grand story. Thankfully the God who formed Pikes Peak is walking beside us, holding our hand. Or better yet, carrying us close to his heart.

He tends his flock like a shepherd:
He gathers the lambs in his arms
and carries them close to his heart;
he gently leads those that have young. Isaiah 40:11