Baptized In Pink and Blue

God has not given me a shortage of testosterone.  I’ve lost count of the number of times Ashley has told me—in the last month—“You’re such a guy.” I can’t help it. I like manly activities. I’m a sports nut, wrestling coach, war movie fan, and I like to hunt—especially prairie dogs. If you shoot them in the right place they will do a complete flip and land flat on their backs…

…And I’m pretty sure I just heard a few ladies gasp.

I’m also a man who has been baptized in the world of girl over the past few years as God has given me Avery and Sophie as daughters. This is foreign territory to me. I didn’t grow up with sisters. Pink was not a color that ever appeared at the Jenkins’ house when I was a young boy. And princesses? I thought “Snow White” was a flavor of snow cone served at the State wrestling tournament.

My head sank deeper into the pink and blue waters on Christmas morning as my daughters opened present after present. The theme was pretty consistent—Cinderella. I guess I was unaware of how many products could be produced from one character. Disney must be making a fortune….from us. Never the less, you can imagine what I have spent a good portion of my Christmas break doing. And I love it.

It’s amazing how long Avery can sit there and play with those plastic figurines. Sometimes I get a little antsy after a long stretch of making up dialogue between the princess dolls. I think it’s similar to a coffee drinker going without coffee, you start getting the shakes. One minute Cinderella is complimenting Ariel’s beautiful dancing, and the next has her giving a head fake and shooting a beautiful double leg takedown.  Ariel always seems caught off guard; Avery always looks at me like I’m crazy.

I do know that I’m crazy about my daughters.  I love spending time with them. If it means being submersed in a world that’s completely new to me, well, bring it on. God has actually used my passion for my daughters to teach me some important lessons recently. I was giving Sophie a bear hug the other day and telling her how much I love her when I sensed God speak something to my own heart.

“I wish you would let me love you like that.”

He had a point. I’m an intense guy, so I’m usually going from one thing to the next. I don’t pause and simply let the Father love me like he wants to. I guess I fail to use common sense: If I’m passionate about spending time with my girls, and God’s heart is so much better than mine, how much more passionate must he be about spending time with his children?

He is a brilliant communicator. He waits for the most opportune time to communicate his truth, and then BAM….He drops it out of the blue—and it penetrates. At the exact time when I was thinking, “Sophie, I wish you knew how much I loved you”, he whispers, “I know what you mean.”

All I can do is laugh. I don’t know how else to respond.

Except maybe to sit back and let him give me a bear hug.

Will You Marry...

I was nervous. I could feel the butterflies in my stomach, and I’m sure I was acting a little strange. Ashley and I had just finished a nice meal at a Broadmoor restaurant, and now we were circling the lake out back. I had the ring in my pocket, and I was waiting for the right time to stop our romantic stroll, get down on a knee, and ask her to spend the rest of her life with me.

I think she could tell I was nervous. We continued to walk around the lake in the blistering cold as I tried to locate the courage to ask the most important question of my life. At the same time, I realized I better get on with it because it was freezing and Ashley’s lips were about to turn blue. If I hadn’t dropped to my knee quick, she may not have been able to understand my proposal through the chattering of my teeth. I’m convinced she thought I was crazy as I asked her, “You up for one more lap?” She miraculously agreed.

We had nearly finished another lap when I finally paused and got down on my knee. There was no turning back now. I looked into her beautiful blue eyes, confessed my deep love for her, and said, “Ashley, WILL YOU MARRY ME?”

Pure giddiness. That’s what we experienced as we stood by an old fashioned lamp post which had been beautifully decorated with Christmas lights. I had actually picked a good spot after all of the stalling. We hugged, kissed, and did the happy dance as we celebrated our new status: engaged. The only time we could take our eyes off each other is when we stopped long enough to admire the ring. We spent the next several months planning the wedding and dreaming about the days ahead.

It’s been 5 years and 17 days since that snowy December night. Our lives have significantly changed, but I’m still crazy about her. God has since blessed us with two wonderful daughters, Avery and Sophie. Words can’t describe the joy they bring us, but, as all parents know, raising young children requires hard work.

We dressed them up last night in matching dresses—ok, Ashley dressed them up in matching dresses—and we headed for the Broadmoor to meet my parents for a Christmas dinner. We enjoyed a wonderful meal at the Tavern, grabbed some warm coffee to go, and once again headed for the romantic lake behind the main building. It was just as romantic as I remembered it being. Soft music playing over the speakers, hundreds of trees precisely decorated with lights, and geese on the lake. I decided it would be a good idea to show the girls the exact spot where I had proposed to their momma. Avery initially thought it was a good idea as she said, “Alright!”

We had walked about a hundred yards in the cold air before Sophie started screaming. Shortly after, Avery tripped on the sidewalk, spilled her hot chocolate, and started crying as well. They both wanted to turn around, but I was a man on a mission. We were going to make it to the proposal spot whether we all turned to icicles or not.

I continued to push ahead, and I found myself smiling as I thought about the vast difference between the two December nights at the Broadmoor Lake. The romantic music had given way to crying babies. We weren’t walking hand in hand with Ashley’s head on my shoulder; I was speed walking twenty yards in front of her grunting as I carried Sophie in her car seat. Ashley wasn’t making googley eyes at me; she was wiping the tears from Avery’s cheeks and covering them with kisses.

I arrived at the proposal spot first, nearly out of breath, and I glanced back to make sure Ashley and Avery hadn’t bailed on my idea. I watched them slowly make their way towards the infamous lamp post, and I thought, “Oooh how her life has changed!”

I was watching Ashley do something that I have seen countless times over the past few years. She was thriving in her role as a mom. She was patiently caring for her daughter. This is who she is, and this is what she does. Little did she know it five years prior, but she wasn’t just saying “YES” to a life of romance with this hunk of a man (work with me here), but she was also saying “YES” to a selfless life of being a momma—sleepless nights, changing diapers, cleaning up throw up, comforting, teaching, correcting, and loving unconditionally. It’s exhausting work. It’s challenged her at the deepest level, but she’s met the challenge with astounding grace.

Ashley eventually arrived at the infamous spot, and I noticed that she still had those captivating eyes and almost blue lips that I had seen on the proposal night. I grabbed Avery and Sophie and got down on a knee in order to reenact the big event. Sophie’s screams were beginning to intensify, and Avery made it clear that the last thing she wanted to do was take a picture. Romantic? Hardly. Realistic? Absolutely.

“Will you marry…US?”

That would have been a truer question to ask.

Extraordinarily Ordinary

There are certain things we’re simply not ready for.

Case in point...
Avery: “I want to wear this.”
Me: “No, honey.”
Avery: “Why?”
Me: “Oooh boy…”

It’s easy for me to recognize when Avery isn’t ready for something (she’s also asked me several times if she can drive the car!). It’s much harder to recognize when I’m not ready for the things I ask God for. I’m a visionary. I am a dreamer. I want to see my big-picture plans come to pass…NOW! God has spent the last several years teaching me to relax, embrace the growth process, and thrive in the here and now, ordinary aspects of life. It can be a tough pill to swallow, unless we discover the joy of inviting God into the common and sometimes boring details of life.

I’ve spent a good chunk of time reflecting on the Christmas story over the past month. There’s so much to marvel at, but I’ve especially been drawn to the reality that an indescribable, unprecedented, and exceptional God invaded our normal, banausic, humdrum lives. The creator of all things and for whom all things were created became like us. The extraordinary God placed himself in a surprisingly ordinary position, born as a helpless baby.

When we think of Jesus’ life, don’t we typically think of the supernatural? He was conceived in the womb of a virgin, he walked on water, fed the five thousand, healed the lame, opened the eyes of the blind, raised the dead, and was raised from the dead. These are all true and wonderful aspects of the supernatural life of Jesus. He was 100% God in the flesh.

At the same time we tend to overlook that he was also fully human. There were aspects of his life that were quite normal. I can’t help but think that he went through the same growth and development process that we experience. As John Eldredge pointed out, “Baby Jesus had poopy diapers.” Somewhere along the way he had to learn to walk. I doubt he jumped to his feet at 10 months and started break dancing. I picture him as a toddler taking a few steps and face planting. What about as a teenager? Was he awkward and gangly with periods of embarrassing acne, or was he perfectly unblemished and ready to grace the cover of a magazine at any moment? Did he have to learn how to navigate the Jewish social cliques as a teenager without selling his soul to popularity? I guess we don’t really know. The Bible doesn’t mention it. It just states that he was fully human, and so we can assume he experienced many of the same challenges we have.

I think one of the hardest stages for him must have been in his early to mid-twenties --at least it would have been for me. He’s a man by now. He’s seemingly ready to start his mission. Why wait any longer? Let the miracles begin! Let’s get this party started. The quicker he gets to the cross, the quicker he can return to his glory in the presence of the Father. But, that’s not what we see in the Scriptures. He doesn’t take a short-cut. He refuses to force himself onto stage before his scene. He patiently waits for the Father’s perfect timing. He gets a job as a carpenter and he works. He pays bills. He embraces the process. It must have been an incredibly ordinary season of life. Father, you called me to save the world and here I am building chairs. What is happening?!?!

Why is this important? Because we must remember that Jesus understands the ordinary seasons of life. He’s been there, and he can relate. He also desires to inject himself into the ordinary details of our day to day grind. This is a game changer we when we truly understand it. There is not a single detail of your life that Jesus is disinterested in. We make a mistake when we compartmentalize the things that we ask God to help us with and the things we try and do ourselves. Jesus said, “You can do nothing apart from me.” (John 15)

Avery wanted to go swimming last week. I broke the bad news to her that we weren’t going, and she certainly let me know what she thought of that “nonsense”. The bottom-lip came out, the tears started rolling down her cheeks, and her cry—which turned into a scream—became increasingly piercing. I tried calming her down, but she wasn’t having it. Then, in passing, I said, “Jesus will help you wait. He’ll help you be patient.” I didn’t initially think she really heard me through the screaming and gasping for air, but something must have registered. It worked. She started to calm down, and we made it through the rest of the day without another mention of the pool.

I soon forgot about this little episode, and we eventually made it to the pool a few days later. As soon as her eyes saw the familiar waterfall, she jumped up and down in sheer excitement and said, “Yay! Jesus helped me wait! Thank you, Jesus!” Ashley and I looked at each other in utter amazement. It was obvious to us that Avery really did allow Jesus to help her. It was a learning moment for me. I began to wonder what my life would look like if I allowed Jesus to help me with the common challenges I try and take on myself.

Isn’t it easy to pray when we have an emergency? What do you do when you have bills to pay and not enough money in the bank? You pray. What about when your marriage is hanging on by a thread, or when the doctor looks at you with a concerned face after reading your reports? We cry out to God and plead for his help. God surely wants to help with all of these scenarios, but he also wants to help you with the ordinary things of life.

Speaking of ordinary, I just went upstairs to change a diaper. Then, I started typing again only to pause and help my wife unload the groceries. When I’m writing, I don’t like to be interrupted. I was irritated and frustrated. To add to it, she told me that I was putting the groceries in the wrong place (apparently the biscuits don’t go in the pantry…Who knew?). As I searched for the strength to respond graciously, I was reminded of my own counsel. I turned to Jesus and asked for his help. I sensed him smiling, and sure enough, he gave me the patience I needed.

Isn’t this how many “World War III” marriage fights begin? It starts with something small that somehow balloons into something quite serious. What if we would develop a habit of turning to Jesus each time we sense the aggravation stirring within us? Marriages could be restored and transformed. Imagine the transformation that could happen in every area of life if we simply engaged God in ongoing conversation. (“Pray continually”—1 Thessalonians 5:17)

It’s really a win-win. Not only will we increasingly discover the richness of who he is, but we’ll also access the same power that breathed the stars into existence and raised Christ from the dead as we tackle our daily challenges.

I think this was his plan the entire time: for us to live an extraordinarily ordinary life.

BOOK SAMPLE

I have recently started a new journey...writing a book. My goal is to simply share what I've discovered over the past several years as God has drawn me near. Below is a sample of one of the chapters. I'd love your feedback.

Jesus is funny. He’s quite enjoyable to be with. I grew up going to church and I had a decent relationship with God when I was younger, but I didn’t know how deep and rich his personality was until much later.
 
Many people never taste of God’s goodness because he’s either just an intellectual idea to them, or they think he is boring as all get out and they don’t have time for him. If your impression of Jesus is based on pictures that are hung on the walls of many churches, I can’t say that I necessarily blame you. Many portraits of Jesus make him look ghost-like. Frankly, he looks miserable; and miserable to be around.

I’m convinced that the real Jesus is someone you would actually enjoy sitting down and having a cup of coffee with. I’m guessing he prefers his coffee dark and bold—perhaps even Folgers! I can picture him looking across the table and smiling as he surveys your fluffy Starbucks drink.

We must not overlook this aspect of Jesus—not the choice of coffee (I obviously made that part up)—but his desire to interact with you, his friend, on an intimate level.

We see this truth clearly presented in John 21. Peter and the rest of the guys had just been skunked on an all night fishing trip. Little did they know but the creator of those stars they were fishing under-yes, the resurrected Lord—was about to make an appearance on the beach.

⁴ Early in the morning, Jesus stood on the shore, but the disciples did not realize that it was Jesus.
 ⁵ He called out to them, “Friends, haven’t you any fish?”
   “No,” they answered.
 ⁶ He said, “Throw your net on the right side of the boat and you will find some.” When they did, they were unable to haul the net in because of the large number of fish.
 ⁷ Then the disciple whom Jesus loved said to Peter, “It is the Lord!” As soon as Simon Peter heard him say, “It is the Lord,” he wrapped his outer garment around him (for he had taken it off) and jumped into the water. ⁸ The other disciples followed in the boat, towing the net full of fish, for they were not far from shore, about a hundred yards.^{[c] 9} When they landed, they saw a fire of burning coals there with fish on it, and some bread. John 21: 4-9

I smile every time I read the story. Think of the joy in Jesus’ heart as he gathered firewood to build a fire. I imagine he was saying to himself, “I can’t wait to see the look on their faces when they recognize me. Ooh, how I’ve missed these fellas.”

It would have been enough for Jesus to simply appear on the beach without breakfast. We are talking about a man who had just been raised from the dead. He went above and beyond. He wanted this to be extra special. I’m sure it was extra special.

I would have loved to be sitting on a log around that fire listening to the conversation. I wonder if their stomachs hurt afterwards because they were laughing so hard as they retold stories. I’m curious how many times their eyes filled with tears as they realized he was back. It’s a beautiful picture of who Jesus really is. He loves being with people. He thoroughly enjoys people.

He’s still like this. The Bible says that he’s the same “yesterday, today, and forever.” (Hebrews 13:8) What does this mean for you? Well, you can know him like Peter and John did. This is the good news of the Gospel. This is the invitation to you and to me.

Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me. Revelation 3:20

I wanted nothing to do with Jesus when I was in college. I sensed him knocking, but I wasn’t about to open the door. I was happy to attend church monthly in order to ease my conscience—as long as the sermon didn’t hit too close to home.

Meanwhile I was living in darkness. Jesus continued to knock, and I continued to treat him like he was standing on my front porch trying to sell me vacuums. Thanks, but no thanks! I love him deeply now for his persistence. I also love him for the way he protected me.

On one particular night, I was partying with friends when my cell phone pocket-called my parents (this was before I figured out the keyguard function). What I didn’t realize was that our conversation for several minutes was being recorded on my parent’s answering machine. Imagine their surprise as they clicked the little blinking button on the answering machine. I was also surprised as my mom called the next day. “Son…”

This is one example of how Jesus protected me. He forced me to bring things into the light. I love that about him—although I wasn’t appreciative at the time. He was forcing me to face my ugly disobedience. His love for me was too strong to allow me to slip further into darkness. He wasn’t going to watch me drive the wrong way down the interstate.

It wasn’t long before I hit my knees and told Jesus that I needed him. I thanked him for his love and patience. I asked him to enter and have his way in my heart. Since that incredible night, I have tasted of the Lord’s goodness. I have learned that it’s much more than following a bunch of rules. It’s about being loved by him, loving him, and knowing the richness of who he is. There is nothing that compares to him.

I buried my nose in the Scriptures, and I started writing in a journal. One of the first verses that nearly jumped off the page was Jeremiah 33:3, “Call to me and I will answer you and show you great and unsearchable things you do not know.” I took him up on his offer and started asking him questions. I discovered that he likes to talk, and he has plenty to say worth listening to.

The dialogue has continued for several years. I’ll sit down in front of my computer and start typing. I’ll share what’s on my heart, thank him for different things, and ask him what’s on his heart. Then, I’ll pause and give him time to speak.

I realize that by simply stating you can learn to hear God's voice, I have landed myself in the "crazy camp" to some. You see people all the time doing bizarre and harmful things because, in their words, "God told them to." I see how some people have arrived at their "any normal person doesn't believe God speaks" theory. But, do the actions of a few flaky or truly disturbed people really disqualify God from being a deeply personal God? Isn't this the same God who was nailed to a wooden cross and endured excruciating pain to demonstrate his desire for personal relationship? What is personal relationship without personal communication?

² But the one who enters through the gate is the shepherd of the sheep. ³ The gatekeeper opens the gate for him, and the sheep recognize his voice and come to him. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. ⁴ After he has gathered his own flock, he walks ahead of them, and they follow him because they know his voice. ⁵ They won’t follow a stranger; they will run from him because they don’t know his voice.”John 10:2-5

If you sat down with me day after day, it wouldn’t take long for you to recognize the sound of my voice. It’s the same with Jesus. The challenge is taking the time to be still and listen. The first time I tried this, I made it about 4.5 seconds before my mind began to wander. This is especially challenging for men. It’s almost like we need a bull riding buzzer to beep after the eight second mark so we can celebrate our accomplishment.

The more I stayed with it, the more I began to fall in love with him. Often times, he would simply say, “I love you.” I would respond by saying, “I know you do. What else do you want to say?” He would say it again, “I love you.” I must have been a slow learner because this would go on for months at a time. He wanted those three words to be far more than head knowledge. He didn’t stop until they were deeply planted in my heart. He still starts many of our conversations with those three beautiful words. 

I’m currently writing this chapter in December, and I’ve been reflecting lately on some of the things Jesus spoke this year. I recorded well over four hundred pages of dialogue, and one of the themes he emphasized was, “Come closer. I have more to share with you."

I didn’t always feel like listening. There were other times I didn’t sense he wanted to speak. That was, of course, a lie. Below is a sample of our dialogue recorded on July 24^th:

ME: God, you are the same today, yesterday, and forever. You never change. Sometimes I think that you are less interested in communicating with me on certain days. This is just a lie. You never change. Each day you are ready to communicate with your son. Thank you. Thank you for being a good Father. I praise you, LORD.

God, what are you saying today?

HIM: Son, you hit the nail on the head. I am the same. I am looking forward to talking to you, even tonight. I have a lot to share with you. Gabe, a lot happens in a day. I am not sleeping. I am not like a bear that hibernates while your life carries on. Rather, I am the one who is directing your steps. I want to share with you things that are coming on an everyday basis. You can’t afford to ignore me. Your heart will grow hard if you fail to hear my voice. Gabe, stay steady and draw near to me. I have much to share with you.

There are many good things coming. There are also challenges that I want you to thrive in. Gabe, there is no reason to fear or to worry. I hold your life in my hands. I am with you. Trust in me. Trust in my goodness. Write about the goodness of my heart. I will give you ideas that I want you to communicate. Speak the truth. Let the truth go forth plainly. Let all arrows point to me. I am the author and finisher of your faith. I am telling a good story through you. Find time to get away and write.

I took him up on his offer. I have spent increasingly more time away with him, listening, writing, and talking to him. I’m learning more and more to recognize his sweet voice.

His words penetrate. He doesn’t talk for the sake of talking. It’s not like he’s as lonely as a teenage girl who’s just been dumped and is waiting to unload on whoever will pause to listen.  His words are intriguing and compelling. Like an excellent story teller, I’m usually waiting on the edge of my seat to find out what he’ll say next. Sometimes I’m bent over laughing and other times tears will roll off my face and land on my well-used keyboard. His words are rich, flavored, and personal.

I haven’t always heard him correctly. There have been times when I thought he was saying something, but it turned out to be wrong. Those are frustrating moments. The enemy is quick to accuse, “You’re making this all up. You are one weird duck.”

There have been other times when he has spoken something specific, and his words were confirmed. Those are the best.  I could insert many different stories here, but one of the first that comes to mind happened after I had saved enough money to buy my wife, Ashley, an engagement ring.  I had worked for months to gather enough money to buy a diamond that she would be proud of. My roommate at the time was also saving money to buy an engagement ring.  I was busy making proposal plans when I heard the Lord whisper to my heart, “You should give the money you have saved to your roommate so he can buy a ring.” These are the moments where it’s easy to think, “I’m making this up. You see, I am one weird duck. This isn’t God!” He went on to say, “If you want my best, you’ll trust me with this.”  I couldn’t deny it. I recognized his voice, and it was him.

My phone rang a few days later and a voice on the other end said, “Gabe, I was putting laundry away and the Lord impressed on my heart to send you a check so you can buy Ashley a ring.” Wow. First of all, I had just met this man one time. Secondly, he had no idea I was planning on proposing. Third, nobody knew of the words God had spoken to my heart about giving my savings to my friend.

The check arrived a few days later. It was much more than I had saved.

Yes, he’s like that.