Marching Soldier Guy

Many teenagers experience their first real taste of power the day they dawn the red shorts and sling the lifeguard whistle around their neck. They are suddenly transformed from the sleepy, gangly kid who just slept through Algebra class to the most powerful person in the room.

Ashley and I recently took our girls to a funplex pool, and we had a great time watching Avery and Sophie splash away, go down slides, and chase each other around.  Not only did I enjoy watching them play, but I also found myself relatively amused by the intensity of one of the lifeguards. He wore a permanent scowl as he marched the shores of the baby pool in a manner that resembled a soldier guarding the “Tomb of the Unknown Soldier.” One thing was clear, this teenager was not to be messed with. He blew his whistle and yelled at one kid after the next for minor infractions.

Two Troublemakers

I wasn’t nearly as amused when I found myself on the receiving end of the lifeguard's wrath. The piercing shriek of the whistle nearly shattered my eardrums, and I turned around to see the scowl directed at me. This time it wasn’t from the marching soldier guy, but it was from a teenage girl who was equally as angry. You would have thought I had just been caught beating her dog with a stick, but my real mistake was simply trying to take Sophie down a slide. “No adults on the slide!” she growled.

A few minutes later, Avery and I were floating around the lazy river. We stopped for a few seconds to look at something when I found myself in the crosshairs again. Marching soldier guy blew his whistle, and with the fury of a New York City traffic cop, motioned for me to keep going.  I smiled as I continued to float along, thinking about how he still has a few things to learn regarding the true purpose of authority.

Please don’t misunderstand me, I am thankful for lifeguards. Most of them really do a nice job ensuring the safety of kids. There are others though who appear to receive too much pleasure from touting their power.

The whole scenario got me thinking about the importance of handling power and authority well. My mind flashed back to the scene where Jesus was gathered around the table with His disciples at the last supper, and He did something remarkable.

“Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God; so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist. After that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples’ feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him.” (John 13:3-5)

Jesus was fully aware of his power, but he chose to humbly serve. The One who created all things got down on his hands and knees and did the work of a slave. He went from one disciple to the next, picked up their dirty, smelly feet and scrubbed them clean. What King does that?

In this moment, Jesus provided a great picture of how God uses His authority. The Scriptures make it abundantly clear that there is nothing more powerful than God; and yet, God always uses His authority for our good. He’s not like a teenage lifeguard who gets a thrill out of putting us in our place after every misstep. He’s not holding a paddle in His hand eagerly waiting to show us whose boss.

God has had to correct me countless times over the years, but I’ve been fascinated by how well He does it. There is a perfect blend of gentleness, kindness, strength, and consistency in His rebuke. He always speaks the truth, but He presents it in a way that’s easy to receive. His corrective words are saturated with love and grace.

Ultimately, I should seek to handle authority in the same manner. The way I handle my kids should resemble how God handles me. The way I lead people in the ministry should follow the example Jesus set.  God is looking for people who can handle authority, and when we prove ourselves trustworthy, we’ll be given more.

I want to encourage you to take some time and allow God to reveal how you’re doing in this area. Are you consistently using your power and authority for the good of others? Are you aware of what the people under your authority genuinely think about your leadership?

These may be tough questions to answer, but they are vitally important. My prayer is that we will all possess the courage to take a candid look at how we’re handling authority. 

And I pray for marching soldier guy to leave the poor kids alone.

The Day it all Changed

My life drastically changed four years ago today. On March 8th, 2009, God extended incredible kindness towards me and Ashley by blessing us with our first daughter, Avery Elizabeth. This blog is from the archives, but the message is as true as ever. 

Before Avery was born, I had several guys tell me that I would never be the same after my first child was born. They explained that there is something that happens in a man's heart the moment you get to hold your child for the first time. I found this to be true. It's hard to explain, but it is so true.

I think I was very prepared for the actual birthing process. After all, Ashley and I had spent the previous three months in strict training as we participated in a birthing class. We were there week after week perfecting our breathing skills. It was pretty exciting...and expensive.

On the morning of March 7th, Ashley woke up feeling sick and was experiencing abnormal pain in her side. We decided to take her to the doctor to find out if everything was ok. After an ultrasound, the doctor made the decision to induce. That was a wild moment. It dawned on me that I was going to be a dad within 24 hours. It was go time! 

Fast forward to 11pm...Ashley is strapped down to a rock hard hospital bed huffing and puffing, still looking beautiful, but huffing and puffing none the less. I was a focused man. I took a few deep breaths and began doing what I was trained to do. I told her she looked beautiful every eight seconds, reminded her to relax her eyebrows, and held her right leg in the air.

As prepared as I thought I was, in the heat of battle, I couldn't remember a few of the minor details. Was it "hee hawww whoooo" or "whooo heee hawww"? I couldn't remember, so I just went back to complimenting her beauty. It's hard for a man to go wrong by simply telling his wife that she is attractive. I've gotten a lot of mileage out of this simple truth-especially when she feels like a marshmallow and is trying to pass a bowling ball through a straw.

After a couple hours of continued labor (no wonder they call it labor; it sure wasn't easy doing my job), I saw a sight that will forever be etched in my memory. I saw the top of Avery's head. I got so excited that Ashley had to "shhhh" me. After all my elite training, I was losing focus. I was blowing it. The sheer excitement of seeing the baby crown was throwing me off. Ashley's rebuke forced me to get my head back in the game, and once again, I went back to telling her to relax her eyebrows and breathe.

Ashley did a phenomenal job delivering Avery. She was born at 3:41am. After she was born, we quickly placed her on Ashley's chest and they shared an incredibly powerful momma-daughter moment. Ashley grew up dreaming about this moment. She has always wanted to be a momma. She's never had big dreams to appear on the cover of magazines, build a successful business empire, or take the world by storm. She's always just wanted to have kids and love them well. In that moment, her dream became a reality. She looked great as a new momma, seriously.

At about 6:30am, the three of us were squeezed into this tiny hospital bed enjoying time together as a new family. A nurse entered the room, scooped Avery up, commented on her color, and quickly left the room. That was a little unnerving. Apparently, Avery's lips were abnormally purple and they rushed her off for tests. I had already been through a roller coaster of emotions, and now the story was taking a horrible turn in the wrong direction.

I still feel a twinge of pain in my heart as I remember seeing Avery for the first time through a glass window hooked up to all those different machines. I entered the room, leaned down next to her sweet little ears, and whispered, "Avery, it's daddy." A faint smile appeared on her face. My heart melted. I was confident that she recognized my voice. From the time we found out we were expecting Avery, we were intentional about talking to her. We sang to her, prayed for her, and affirmed our great love for her while she was in the womb. To this day, I am still convinced that she recognized her dad's voice in the midst of the beeping and buzzing of the medical instruments that surrounded her.

If you've read any of my previous blog posts you know that Avery's story didn't abruptly end in that NICU room. God's grace was apparent as Avery quickly began to show improvement. Her lungs eventually adjusted to breathing the fresh, but thin, Colorado air and they transferred her back to our room. In a matter of two days we were back in the comfort of our own home, starting family life as a tribe of three.

Looking back over the previous two (four now!) years brings a smile to my face. Avery has been quite the blessing to our family. I have learned more about the heart of God in the past two years than in my previous 28 years combined. God has been teaching me about His love. He's been teaching me how to love others. It's been a beautiful and rich process.

What better way to learn about the Father's love than to look into the eyes of your own child? It's hard to find words to describe my love for Avery. It's even harder to find words to describe God's love for me. The journey is sure to continue. The learning is sure to continue.

Happy Birthday, Avery. I sure love you.

45 Second Blog

This blog should take less than 45 seconds to read, but applying the simple truth presented could very well change the rest of your life.  I’ve seen it countless times in counseling sessions with clients, it’s surfaced in numerous conversations with friends, and I’ve even experienced it in my own life. It’s a trap that we fall into often, and it robs us of the life, joy, and peace that God offers. What is it?

Anxiety and fear over the future and shame and guilt from the past. 

These are the twin towers of the kingdom of darkness. When we take the bait, it’s just a matter of time before we experience the anxiety, fear, worry, and hopelessness that the enemy serves up on a daily basis. The fruit of constantly looking ahead or behind is bitter. There’s simply no life in either place.

God refers to Himself in Scripture as I AM. He is fully present with you in this exact moment. You have all that you need right now, because you have Him.  Getting the raise or promotion, spouse, diploma, new job, etc. may be nice, but it pales in comparison to what you have now--the I AM.

We must learn to trust God with yesterday and tomorrow, and fully embrace today. Simply put, God wants to hold your future, redeem your past, and love you today. 

I can't think of a better way to live.

Coming Up For Air

Some of my favorite childhood memories occurred at the local swimming pool.  A typical summer day for me included riding my bike two blocks to the pool, chasing girls, playing “king fish”, and gorging myself on five cent Twizzlers.  I would arrive back at home just in time to watch consecutive reruns of “Saved by the Bell.” Life was pretty grand.  

It wasn’t all fun and games at the pool though; there was plenty of competition. I competed on our local swim team, so I spent many early mornings swimming laps and training for weekend swim meets.   

I was an average swimmer, but I enjoyed the thrill of competition. What I didn’t enjoy was standing on the starting block in front of everyone wearing nothing but a small Speedo. To make matters worse, our team colors happened to be light green, which did little to conceal any signs of bladder failure due to pre-race jitters.

My favorite stroke growing up was the breast stroke. It came natural to me, and it was the only race I had any shot at winning. My least favorite was definitely the back stroke. The only thing more embarrassing than wearing a Speedo was the way I looked in the water trying to survive on my back.  It was pitiful.  It’s still quite a scene anytime I try it. My arms flail wildly and I kick desperately trying to keep my head above water. I always feel like the lifeguards lean forward and watch me closely as if they are going to have to rescue me in a moment’s notice.  It’s not exactly the picture of graciously gliding through the water with ease.

I was swimming a few laps recently when I sensed God begin to teach me about the correlation between life and the breast stroke. There is a rhythm and grace required for each. I put my head in the water and propelled myself forward before surfacing and breathing much needed air. Then I would do it again and again. My head looked like a bobber as I developed a pattern of working and breathing. In addition, my eyes shifted back and forth between seeing above water and beneath the water.  I was essentially able to pay attention to two different worlds simultaneously.

I think this is vitally important to the Christian life. God is a Spirit, and so we are called to pay attention to the spiritual world—to who He is and what He’s doing. At the same time, we’ve been placed in a natural world where God has given us important responsibilities.  I believe He wants us to settle into a rhythm—similar to the breast stroke--where we simultaneously pay attention to the spiritual and the natural. We are aware of the needs of our family, relationships, businesses, etc., but we’re also attentive to what God is doing and saying in each of those specific worlds. 

Eugene Peterson, author of the Message Bible, made a profound point as he described one of the roles of a pastor is to “pay attention and call attention to ‘what is going on right now’ between men and women, with one another and with God.” I believe this is true of all Christians, not just someone who holds the office of pastor.  We are to pay attention and call attention to what is happening with God and with people (spiritual and the natural), and our attention should pulse back and forth between the two in rhythmic fashion.

The mistake many people make (including myself) is when we exclusively pay attention to the natural at the expense of the spiritual. This is easy to do because our responsibilities call—quite loudly—for our attention (crying babies, diapers that need to be changed, project deadlines, budget constraints, relational challenges,  tests to be taken and papers to be written, etc.). It’s easy to focus so much on what is before us in the natural that we lose sight of the encouragement and strength God offers through the spiritual. In a sense, it’s like trying to swim the entire length of the pool without breathing. We may make it to the other side, but we’ll be exhausted, worn down, and out of breath when we finally arrive.

How rich our daily lives would become if we walked in a cadence where we were mutually aware of the spiritual and natural. God invites us to pause throughout the day, breathe in his life and strength, and continue on with our work. He desires for our attention to shift back and forth between what He’s doing and saying and the work He’s placed in front of us. The two are designed to be more closely related than we may think.

I sat with a friend this week and listened to him describe how he had recently been on the verge of burn out before God began speaking to him about the importance of Sabbath and rest.  My friend had been trying to swim multiple laps without breathing, and this lifestyle was taking its toll on him.

As he began to walk in obedience by resting more, God started giving him Divine ideas for his business. He looked across the table, and with a look of pure excitement in his eyes, he said, “It’s amazing how much more I have accomplished since I’ve started resting! God is directing me in my work!”  He was learning how to come up for air, and you could see the renewal in his countenance.  

This is important because we have not been called to just swim a single lap. Life is more of a long-distance ocean swim, so we must settle in for the long haul. The world needs what God has placed within you, so steward it well by finding the right rhythm and cadence for your life.

My prayer lately has been that God would help me find the right balance of working and resting, and that He would help me pay more attention to what He's doing on a daily basis.  I want to make breathing fresh air a high priority. This is something I must be committed to for my own sanity and well being.

Along with never wearing a light green Speedo again.

Junk In The Trunk

We were a band of starving young men packed in a van like sardines traveling across the scenic state of Kansas. Our energy levels were low and are nerves were high.  Many of us hadn’t eaten a solid meal in a few days because we were cutting weight for a wrestling tournament that was scheduled for the following day.

Two months prior, I was twenty pounds heavier and enjoying college life. The wrestling season hadn’t started, so life was a breeze. I spent my days attending a few easy classes, eating fast food, and practicing my golf swing.  My nights were spent having fun with friends. I wasn’t exactly counting down the days until the start of wrestling season, and I certainly wasn’t looking forward to getting down to my weight class of 149 for the first tournament. 

The rules for this particular tournament were that you could weigh-in (no matter where you were) at 3pm on the day before the competition. This was a rare exception as most tournaments required you to be on site and weigh-in two hours prior to the start of action--all under the watchful eye of an official.

The few hours prior to a weigh-in always seemed like an eternity. I never felt like doing much, so I would often resort to staring at the clock while I dreamed of stuffing my skinny face with anything that resembled food. 

The clock seemed to slow down with every passing minute, but 3pm did finally arrive. One of the guys from the back of the van yelled, “Coach, pull over!  Time to weigh-in!”  We all agreed by shouting an emphatic, “Yes!!”

Coach realized the seas would turn stormy if he didn't feed us soon, but he also reminded us we were in the middle of nowhere. We conceded his point after we looked out the window to see nothing but telephone poles and a few scattered cows. We reluctantly agreed to wait until we arrived at the next town to set up the scale and weigh-in.

We spilled out of the van and barreled through the parking lot ten minutes later. We had decided to set up the scale in the McDonalds bathroom. Sure, it was an unusual place to  conduct a weigh-in, but we didn't care at that point.

The first to make weight would also be the first to enjoy a delicious Big Mac, so it was a race to get undressed (the added weight of clothes would surely doom a person on the scale) and be the first in line to weigh-in.

As the line was forming in the McDonalds restroom, an older gentleman opened the door and walked in. He was visibly surprised at the scene—clothes scattered all over the floor and ten grown men standing in their underwear. He couldn’t see the scale, and he certainly didn’t stick around long enough to find out what was really happening. He simply turned around and said, “I think I must be in the wrong place.” 

Within two minutes, we were dressed again and sinking our teeth into McDonalds goodness. While I was oblivious to most everything besides the food, I couldn’t help but notice the older gentleman staring at us. I’m not sure what was going through his mind, but I’m quite confident he had made a wrong assumption.

This story serves as a reminder that it’s easy to make a judgment without having the facts. How often do we make an assumption about something or someone without seeing the whole picture? After the assumption is established it’s just a matter of time before we separate ourselves from the person we’re judging. 

Jesus dealt with this issue head on as He said, “Do not judge, and you will not be judged.” (Matthew 7:1) As we heed His counsel, we’ll guard our hearts and steer clear from the bitterness trap that often accompanies casting judgment. 

My daughter, Sophie, is a little girl of immense joy. We actually changed her middle name ten months after she was born from Sophie Elizabeth to Sophie Joy. We couldn’t deny that God had given her an extra measure of joy, and we wanted her name to reflect what we saw in her.

I asked God a while ago if He would give me the same joy Sophie possessed. His answer came in the form of a still small voice as I heard: Gabe, part of the reason Sophie is joyful is because she doesn’t presume. 

He had my attention. Sophie possesses a childlike innocence because she doesn’t cast judgment and she doesn’t make assumptions about people. Her eighteen month old eyes see the best in others—except when her sister tries to take her toys, and she says, “NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOO!”

God proceeded to deal with me in regards to a few judgments I had made about another person. He said, They may drive you crazy, but I’m crazy about them. God understood my frustration with what I had seen in this person, but He was also asking me to withhold judgment. He was bringing me back to a place where I viewed that person as a child of God, and He was quick to remind me that He was working in their life. 

In essence, God was reminding me of the truth of what Jesus had spoken in Matthew 7: “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? It requires a deep trust in God, but we must allow Him to be the judge. When we’re tempted to cast judgment and label someone, let’s instead look inward and allow God to work in our own hearts. This goes against the natural bent of our flesh, but Jesus wasn’t joking when He issued the command. 

We must also remember that God wants the best for us! He doesn’t want us to judge because He understands the damage it causes us. I heard a man say recently that unforgiveness (which often follows judgment) is like drinking poison and hoping the other person will suffer. 

It may feel good to cast judgment and think we’re right, but nothing good comes from allowing that junk to settle in our hearts.

Actually, it’s kind of like McDonalds goodness. 

It may taste good going down, but….

Q-Tips, Blind Spots, and Clean Caves

Jesus said, “Anyone who has ears, let them hear.” I can now hear clearly—thanks to my wife, Ashley. In fact, I think I may have the cleanest ears in town.

Before I got married, I rarely considered the need to clean my ears. I’m not sure I know any guys who wake up in the morning and say, “It’s time to clean my ears!”  I think it was also partially because God chose to strategically place my ears on the side of my head, and I really struggled to see inside the dark caves which led to my ear drums.

Because I couldn’t see it, I didn’t think about it. Whatever was happening inside my pinnas was out of sight and out of mind. This all changed after the first long road trip I took with my bride after we tied the knot.

She spent multiple hours sitting in the passenger seat staring at the side of my head. Her vantage point allowed her to see what I couldn’t see. A few days after we returned, she approached me and flashed a pretty newlywed smile, and said, “Would you let me clean your ears?”

So this is what happens when you get married, I thought to myself as I watched her dig for a few Q-Tips in the bathroom drawer. She looked so innocent and cute as she asked a second time; I couldn’t say no.

She was anything but cute as she drove that cotton swab deep in my ear like a miner digging for gold. I squirmed and cautioned her to please spare my brain cells as she embarked on her own efforts to dig to China (see previous entry).

When all was said and done, I was surprised by how well I could actually hear. I flashed my own smile and said, “I should have done that years ago! This is amazing.”

I have since graduated to the point of cleaning my own ears—most of the time—and I’m committed to spending the rest of my life with clean caves. I’m also thankful Ashley saw my blind spot and possessed the courage to show me a better way.

Isn’t it true that we all have blind spots? We all have areas of our lives that remain out of sight and out of mind. Perhaps we’ve grown so accustomed to the gunk that we assume our current way of living is normal. All the while, God sees our blind spots, and He desires to show us a better way.

The Apostle Paul writes to a young Timothy and states: “Keep a close watch on yourself.” This is trusted counsel.  In addition to inspecting our own lives, let’s take it a step further and grant God permission to reveal what we can’t see. Let’s possess the courage to pray the following prayer: God, show me my blind spots.

This is the prayer I prayed a while ago as I invited God to open my eyes to see where I was unknowingly missing the mark. He happily obliged, and I had an “Aha” moment the very next day. In essence, God revealed that I had slipped into a pattern of caring too much about what other people thought. I was becoming a people pleaser, and I didn’t even recognize it.

While it wasn't necessarily enjoyable to see an aspect of my life that needed to change, I also realized that a deeper level of freedom and joy were around the corner. I trusted that God was showing me a better way.

Which is why I didn't squirm too much as I sensed Him digging in the drawer for a few cotton swabs. He had some cleaning to do...

What We All Need

I think we were all in disbelief as we watched a dark and menacing cloud of smoke consume our city. It was a scene straight out of Hollywood. In what seemed like a blink of an eye, the Waldo Canyon wildfire, fueled by 65 mph winds and extremely dry conditions, hurdled the containment lines, skipped across Queen’s Canyon, and reared its ugly head for all in Colorado Springs to see. 

Photo: John Wark

The fire showed no sign of slowing down as it raced down the slope and began its devastation within our city limits. When the smoke cleared and all was said and done, the fire had killed two people, burned 346 homes, and forced 32,000 people to evacuate. 

While the community pulled together and demonstrated great resiliency—many are currently in the rebuilding process—a visual reminder of the devastation remains as a burn scar now replaces the once vibrant mountains. Trees are no longer clothed with life; they are scorched, naked, and resemble splintered toothpicks. Some of the cooked soil looks like it was carted in from the deepest regions of hell.  

I stood in the World Prayer Center this morning, joined by several other people who had gathered to worship and pray during New Life Church’s 21 Days of Prayer initiative, and watched the sun slowly rise and cast its beautiful light upon the mountains.

There was very little snow visible to the right or left of the burn area, but the scar itself had a layer of snow resting upon it. The snow looked like medicine from heaven covering the scorched earth and making the blackened soil appear beautiful. It was truly beauty from ashes--which is something God is quite good at creating.

The snow on the burn scar was a powerful visual of what God desires to do in our lives. He desires to place a layer of fresh snow on our scars! He wants to place His healing medicine on the parts of our hearts that have been burned. While the heavens didn’t open, nor did I hear a booming voice from above, It was still clear in my heart that God was speaking. In essence, He was saying, This is what I want to do this year. I want my love, kindness, grace, and healing to rest upon the scars of My people. 

God always has been and always will be a healer. He’s in the business of binding up the brokenhearted, proclaiming liberty to captives, comforting those who mourn, and creating beauty from ashes. (Isaiah 61)

He's worked wonders in my heart, and I'm deeply grateful for the healing I've experienced, but I also believe He's not done. He wants to bring about an even deeper level of healing and wholeness within me. He wants the same for you. God desires for you to taste of a freedom that leaves you speechless. An important aspect of this process is healing your scars--and I've never met anyone who doesn't have at least a few.

 I’m also aware of human tendency. When we experience pain, the last thing we want to do is allow anyone near it—including God. Our initial reaction is to bury it and hope it goes away. As nice as that would be, it's simply not reality. Our buried pain quickly works against us as it eventually hardens our hearts and makes us numb in certain areas. Unaddressed pain also creates a scenario where people often adopt dysfunctional behaviors because they are simply acting out their stifled emotions. This can lead to heavy chains of addiction and a plethora of other negative possibilities. It's easier said than done, but a much better option is to allow God to deal with our hurt.

But, isn’t God the one who caused the pain? Can He really be trusted? I’ve heard these questions several times in counseling sessions. Honestly, I’ve asked these questions myself in the past. While I don't have all the answers to the events that caused your pain, I do believe God is the life-giver, not the destructive thief.

He is the same God who gave His one and only Son for you. He’s the same God who endured the brutality of Roman crucifixion. He was cursed, spit upon, beaten, lashed, pierced with a crown of thorns, and eventually nailed to a cross--where many think He actually died of a broken heart.

And it’s through His suffering that we experience healing. He was broken so we can be made whole. This is the good news of the Gospel, and it’s available to all who open their hearts to Him—despite anything you’ve done.

I’m full of anticipation for 2013. I believe this will be a year where many people experience healing and wholeness.The price has already been paid; now it's time to receive what He purchased on your behalf. 

May we possess the courage to ask God to reveal the areas of our lives that need healing. Let's open our hearts and invite His healing hands to bring life to the places that need it the most. 

I think there's snow in the forecast.