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I think we’ve all seen Victoria’s Secret ads from time to
time. They work hard at making them hard to miss. Whether you’re walking through
the mall with your children, or you’re simply trying to enjoy a football game
on a Sunday afternoon, these exposed women seemingly appear out of nowhere. The
flesh bombardment typically leaves parents in an awkward position where they do
whatever they can to distract the innocent eyes of their children.
The recent commercial episode left me thinking about how
thankful I am for my wife. She’s real. She’s present. And she’s a beautiful
person inside and out.
I also started pondering the following question about the
model: What would make a woman stand up
before millions of people, wearing something minuscule, and flaunt herself in
such an attention-seeking manner?
Perhaps it’s in part to the paycheck, but I think the real
driving force is something much deeper. In fact, I think if Miss Victoria’s
soul were laid as bare as her body, a surprising secret would surface—“I’m
really insecure.”
You may correlate the model’s actions with confidence, and
maybe she is confident in the moment, but I believe the motive behind the
action is laced with insecurity. If I had to guess (obvious generalization because
I don’t know her unique story), she is probably still searching for the answers
to the questions that reside in the hearts of all young girls: Am I lovable? Do I matter? Do I have what it
takes?These questions are central to a girl’s story, and I believe the father primarily carries the answer. My daughters are crazy about my wife. She gets most of their love and affection, but I’ve noticed they bring their questions to me. I was awake for about 4 minutes this morning before the questions started flying.
Avery lifted her arms out to the side, tilted her head, and
said, Daddy, what do you think of my
clothes? That was just the beginning. It’s common to hear the following at
our house: Daddy, watch me dance. What do
you think of the picture I colored, daddy? Will you play chase with me, daddy? Do you want to dress up as a prince, dad?
Fathers have the capacity to deliver an answer that will
establish identity, strength, security, and success. On the other hand, they also
have the capacity to deliver an answer that can lead to a life of searching.
Too often, for a variety of reasons that may include busyness, distraction, or
the reality that a father never received love from his father, fathers answer
this question with a thundering silence that leaves a chill in a girl’s soul
for years to come. The question can be ignored and pushed into the deeper
regions of the heart, but it can also smother and suffocate. A girl will seek
an answer, whether it’s from her prom date, college boyfriend, or captivated computer
screen audience.
I recently watched a fascinating interview of a woman who
spent numerous years as an “actress” in the adult film industry. She shared her
story and the true secrets of her heart. The truth was that she despised the
sexual acts required of her job, but she kept coming back for some reason. In a
moment of candid honesty, with tears in her eyes, she shared the story of how
her dad rejected her and kicked her out of the house at age 12. The questions
of her heart were surely answered, but they were devastating answers. She spent
the next twenty years seeking a different answer. It was a quest that ravaged
her body, soul, and spirit.
I’ve seen these same questions surface on numerous occasions
while I've provided counseling at a women’s medical clinic. I’ve listened to
some tragic stories. I’ve witnessed rivers of tears. And I've realized that the questions don't die, whether she's in her teens, thirties, or sixties.
I’ve also watched as many women have received a new
answer from a Father they never knew existed. I’ve had the privilege of
introducing them to their Heavenly Father, a Father that showers them with love
and acceptance on a daily basis. I’m convinced that He desires to reveal this
truth to each of His daughters, and I believe He will do it in a way that is
deeply personal.
I’m also convinced that fathers have been given a weighty
responsibility. I carry a conviction that if I fail to answer the questions of
my daughters’ hearts, I will watch them set foot on a path they were never
intended to travel. It’s a path of loneliness, heartache, unhealthy and
damaging relationships, and possibly even appearances in embarrassing television
commercials.
For many dads, you have already been showering your
daughters with affirmation. Keep going! For others, the thought of engaging
your daughters in this manner brings a knot to your stomach. I encourage you to
push beyond the fear. Get on their level, look into their precious and twinkling
eyes, and tell them how much you love them. Then, wake up tomorrow and do it
again. It’s one of the most important things you can ever do.
And perhaps at the end of your life, your daughter will look
into your fading eyes and deliver some powerful words of her own:
Dad, you’ve always
been my hero. 
