Victoria's Real Secret

This is a follow up to yesterday’s post about a recent Victoria’s Secret commercial that played during a football game this weekend. The mostly nude model “confidently” walked the catwalk while striking different provocative and suggestive poses. At the same time, my wife walked into the room wearing pajamas, she had a burp cloth draped over her shoulder, and she was holding our drooling two-month-old baby. Read the post here for the rest of the story.

--

I think we’ve all seen Victoria’s Secret ads from time to time. They work hard at making them hard to miss. Whether you’re walking through the mall with your children, or you’re simply trying to enjoy a football game on a Sunday afternoon, these exposed women seemingly appear out of nowhere. The flesh bombardment typically leaves parents in an awkward position where they do whatever they can to distract the innocent eyes of their children.

The recent commercial episode left me thinking about how thankful I am for my wife. She’s real. She’s present. And she’s a beautiful person inside and out.

I also started pondering the following question about the model: What would make a woman stand up before millions of people, wearing something minuscule, and flaunt herself in such an attention-seeking manner?

Perhaps it’s in part to the paycheck, but I think the real driving force is something much deeper. In fact, I think if Miss Victoria’s soul were laid as bare as her body, a surprising secret would surface—“I’m really insecure.”

You may correlate the model’s actions with confidence, and maybe she is confident in the moment, but I believe the motive behind the action is laced with insecurity. If I had to guess (obvious generalization because I don’t know her unique story), she is probably still searching for the answers to the questions that reside in the hearts of all young girls: Am I lovable? Do I matter? Do I have what it takes?

These questions are central to a girl’s story, and I believe the father primarily carries the answer. My daughters are crazy about my wife. She gets most of their love and affection, but I’ve noticed they bring their questions to me. I was awake for about 4 minutes this morning before the questions started flying.

Avery lifted her arms out to the side, tilted her head, and said, Daddy, what do you think of my clothes? That was just the beginning. It’s common to hear the following at our house: Daddy, watch me dance. What do you think of the picture I colored, daddy? Will you play chase with me, daddy? Do you want to dress up as a prince, dad?

The questions behind the questions are extremely important, and we must tune our ears to hear them.  What do you think of me, daddy? Am I loveable? Am I adorable? Am I worth pursuing?

Fathers have the capacity to deliver an answer that will establish identity, strength, security, and success. On the other hand, they also have the capacity to deliver an answer that can lead to a life of searching. Too often, for a variety of reasons that may include busyness, distraction, or the reality that a father never received love from his father, fathers answer this question with a thundering silence that leaves a chill in a girl’s soul for years to come. The question can be ignored and pushed into the deeper regions of the heart, but it can also smother and suffocate. A girl will seek an answer, whether it’s from her prom date, college boyfriend, or captivated computer screen audience.

I recently watched a fascinating interview of a woman who spent numerous years as an “actress” in the adult film industry. She shared her story and the true secrets of her heart. The truth was that she despised the sexual acts required of her job, but she kept coming back for some reason. In a moment of candid honesty, with tears in her eyes, she shared the story of how her dad rejected her and kicked her out of the house at age 12. The questions of her heart were surely answered, but they were devastating answers. She spent the next twenty years seeking a different answer. It was a quest that ravaged her body, soul, and spirit.

I’ve seen these same questions surface on numerous occasions while I've provided counseling at a women’s medical clinic. I’ve listened to some tragic stories. I’ve witnessed rivers of tears. And I've realized that the questions don't die, whether she's in her teens, thirties, or sixties.  

I’ve also watched as many women have received a new answer from a Father they never knew existed. I’ve had the privilege of introducing them to their Heavenly Father, a Father that showers them with love and acceptance on a daily basis. I’m convinced that He desires to reveal this truth to each of His daughters, and I believe He will do it in a way that is deeply personal.

I’m also convinced that fathers have been given a weighty responsibility. I carry a conviction that if I fail to answer the questions of my daughters’ hearts, I will watch them set foot on a path they were never intended to travel. It’s a path of loneliness, heartache, unhealthy and damaging relationships, and possibly even appearances in embarrassing television commercials.

For many dads, you have already been showering your daughters with affirmation. Keep going! For others, the thought of engaging your daughters in this manner brings a knot to your stomach. I encourage you to push beyond the fear. Get on their level, look into their precious and twinkling eyes, and tell them how much you love them. Then, wake up tomorrow and do it again. It’s one of the most important things you can ever do.  

And perhaps at the end of your life, your daughter will look into your fading eyes and deliver some powerful words of her own:

Dad, you’ve always been my hero.