Why I'll never be the same...

My wife is currently watching the Bachelor. I'm trying to do anything besides watch the Bachelor. It's hard to admit, but sometimes I do enjoy watching that goofball show. I think more than anything, I just enjoy spending time with my wife. If that means watching a guy get a free ticket to the most beautiful places on the planet, and totally escape reality, so be it. I couldn't do it tonight though...For whatever reason, I didn't have the stomach to watch these girls fight for two hours. So, in an effort to do ANYTHING else, I turned to my wife and asked her what I should write a blog about. I told her I would write about the first thing that came to her mind. Looking back, that was a dangerous proposition. Was I going to be writing about why Brad didn't choose Ashley last week? Was I going to be writing about why Michele wasn't a good match for Brad? That would have been worse than actually watching the show. Ashley's answer was soothing to my ears. She said, "You should write about Avery's birth." What a fitting response being that tomorrow is Avery's 2nd birthday. Good call, Ash. Thank you for saving me.

Before Avery was born, I had several guys tell me that I would never be the same after my first child was born. They explained that there is something that happens in a man's heart the moment you get to hold your child for the first time. I found this to be true. It's hard to explain, but it is so true.

I think I was very prepared for the actual birthing process. After all, Ashley and I had spent the previous three months in strict training as we participated in a birthing class. Week after week we showed up to practice breathing techniques. It was pretty exciting...and expensive.

On the morning of March 7th, Ashley woke up feeling sick and was experiencing abnormal pain in her side. We decided to take her to the doctor to find out if everything was ok. After an ultrasound, the doctor made the decision to induce. That was a wild moment. It dawned on me that I was going to be a dad within 24 hours. It was "go" time! It was time to use these breathing skills that I worked so hard to perfect.

Fast forward to 11pm...Ashley is strapped down to a rock hard hospital bed huffing and puffing, still looking beautiful, but huffing and puffing none the less. I was a focused man. I took a few deep breaths and began doing what I was trained to do. I told her she looked beautiful every eight seconds, reminded her to relax her eyebrows, and held her right leg in the air.

As prepared as I thought I was, in the heat of battle, I couldn't remember a few of the minor details. Was it "hee hawww whoooo" or "whooo heee hawww"? I couldn't remember so I just resorted to telling her she looked beautiful. It's hard for a man to go wrong by simply telling his wife that she is attractive. I've gotten a lot of mileage out of this simple truth-especially when she feels like a marshmallow and is trying to pass a bowling ball through a straw.

After a couple hours of continued labor (I know why they call it labor-it wasn't easy doing my job), I saw a sight that will forever be etched in my memory. I saw the top of Avery's head. I got so excited that Ashley had to "shhhh" me. After all my elite training, I was losing focus. I was blowing it. The sheer excitement of seeing the baby crown was throwing me off. Ashley's rebuke forced me to get my head back in the game, and once again, I went back to telling her to relax her eyebrows and breathe.

Ashley did a phenomenal job delivering Avery. She was born at 3:41am. After she was born, we quickly placed her on Ashley's chest and they shared an incredibly powerful momma-daughter moment. Ashley grew up dreaming about this moment. She has always wanted to be a momma. She's never had big dreams to appear on the cover of magazines, build a successful business empire, or take the world by storm. She's always just wanted to have kids and love them well. In that moment, her dream became a reality. She looked great as a new momma, seriously.

At about 6:30am, the three of us were squeezed into this tiny hospital bed enjoying time together as a new family. A nurse entered the room, scooped Avery up, commented on her color, and quickly left the room. That was a little unnerving. Apparently, Avery's lips were abnormally purple and they rushed her off for tests. I had already been through a roller coaster of emotions, and now the story was taking a horrible turn in the wrong direction.

I still feel a twinge of pain in my heart as I remember seeing Avery for the first time, through a glass window, hooked up to all those different machines. I entered the room, leaned down next to her sweet little ears, and whispered, "Avery, it's daddy." A faint smile appeared on her face. My heart melted. I was confident that she recognized my voice. From the time we found out we were expecting Avery, we were intentional about talking to her. We sang to her, prayed for her, and affirmed our great love for her while she was in the womb. To this day, I am still convinced that she recognized her dad's voice in the midst of the beeping and buzzing of the medical instruments that surrounded her.

If you've read any of my previous blog posts you know that Avery's story didn't abruptly end in that NICU room. God's grace was apparent as Avery quickly began to show improvement. Her lungs eventually adjusted to breathing the fresh, but thin, Colorado air and they transferred her back to our room. In a matter of two days we were back in the comfort of our own home, starting family life as a tribe of three.

Looking back over the previous two years brings a smile to my face. Avery has been an incredible blessing to our family. I have learned more about the heart of God in the past two years than in my previous 28 years combined. God has been teaching me about His love. He's been teaching me how to love others. It's been a beautiful and rich process to enter into. What better way to learn about the Father's love than to look into the eyes of your own child? It's hard to find words to describe my love for Avery. It's even harder to find words to describe God's love for me. The journey is sure to continue. The learning is sure to continue.

Happy Birthday, Avery. I sure love you.

Now, who is Brad going to pick next week-Emily or what's her face? Perhaps I'll be too busy to find out. After all, I think I have a daddy-daughter date planned. Should I take her to South Africa or Anguilla? I have six days to decide.