Ready, Set, Reset

Ashley and I celebrated our anniversary recently by dropping the kids off with friends and setting out on what was supposed to be a romantic date. The initial plan was to enjoy a nice meal at a fancy restaurant and then spend quality time together shopping for new decorative artwork.

A few hours before the date, I approached Ashley with what I thought was a solid proposition. “Ash,” I said with a sparkle in my eyes, “The best part of the evening will be spending time with you.” A big smile flashed across her face, and she leaned in with curiosity to hear what I would say next. “What do you think about forgoing the fancy restaurant and just going to Chipotle instead?”

She was visibly caught off guard, but she was also surprisingly open to the idea. “Think about it,” I continued, “Each place will have a table and food, but your company will be the highlight. Let’s save some money and go to Chipotle.”

I was off to a good start. She liked my idea, and we agreed to set sail for Burritoville. Upon opening the door and catching the initial whiff of Barbacoa goodness, we were disappointed to see the extremely loooooooooong line. We were both starving, but we decided to shop first. (A hungry man stepping foot into a home décor store is always a recipe for disaster)

While pulling into the Home Goods parking lot, Ashley commented on my seemingly absent driving skills. I was mildly annoyed—even though I couldn’t deny she was right—and I attributed my erratic driving to the fact that I was hungry. I quickly reminded her that the directions she gave me were also lacking. The next few minutes were chippy to say the least.

Once inside, I pointed out a few pictures that I thought we should consider for our living room wall. She dismissed my ideas before I could even finish my thought. You would have thought I had suggested we mount a dead hyena on the wall. She came back with one flower decoration after the next, so I finally said, “Please keep in mind that a man lives in the house, too.” (I'm outnumbered 3-1) She didn’t find my comment amusing.

 

My hunger pains were growing by the minute, so I picked up the pace. After briskly walking through the final few aisles, I said, “I guess we won’t find anything here. Let’s go eat.” I could see the disappointment written all over her face. Her expectations for our date were being crushed.  

The walk back to our romantic mini-van was a long, slow crawl. As we approached the date-mobile, I stopped and looked at my bride, reminded myself that we're on the same team, and said, “What do you say we hit the reset button and start over?”

After we each apologized, she grabbed my hand, squeezed my arm, and said, “Let’s go.”  We made it back to Chipotle, picked up our usual orders, and spent the next hour laughing and thoroughly enjoying each other’s company.

Thank God for the reset button. It saved our anniversary date, and it’s been a valuable tool in our marriage on more than one occasion.

Isn’t it easy to allow friction and tension to compound in relationships until each person is leaning away from the other? Like a snowball rolling down a hill, small issues become quite large in a matter of no time.  

In the meantime, the walls go up, the hypothetical mental conversations start (you think about what they’ll say next and proceed to prepare your response to what you’ll imagine they’ll say), and the agitation grows by the minute.

It will only get worse, unless we choose a better way.

The better way is God’s way. Doesn’t God hit the reset button all the time? Consider the following verse:

Great is his faithfulness;
his mercies begin afresh each morning. (Lamentations 3:23, NLT)

Each day is a new beginning in the eyes of God. It’s a clean canvas and a fresh start. I’m not saying there aren’t consequences for our mistakes, but God is not waiting to beat us up for yesterday’s shortcomings.  God is inviting us to receive his mercies each and every morning.

What if we turned around and applied this same mercy and grace to others? What if our relationships were afforded a fresh start on a daily basis? Wouldn’t the result be an infusion of life? The destructive snowball would screech to a halt and melt.

Sure, your spouse (or anyone you’re in close relationship with) will mess up again. It’s ok, because you will, too. This is why the Scriptures tell us to make allowance for one another’s faults. (Ephesians 4:3, NLT)

What’s not ok is if we fail to extend the same mercy to others that we receive for free.  It doesn’t end well for the unmerciful servant found in Matthew 18:

Then the king called in the man he had forgiven and said, ‘You evil servant! I forgave you that tremendous debt because you pleaded with me. Shouldn’t you have mercy on your fellow servant, just as I had mercy on you?’ Then the angry king sent the man to prison to be tortured until he had paid his entire debt. (v. 32-34)

This is a danger we must bear in mind.

Along with the danger of arguing with a pregnant and nesting woman over her poor choice of artwork.

On a different note, we are expecting our first son.

Perhaps he’ll agree with me that the flower pictures are….

Reset.